5 reasons self love is kicking you in the ass – and fucking with your identity.

            5 reasons self-love is kicking you in the ass – and fucking with your identity  

1.  You are in your own damn head

– criticising, lamenting – and fucking  pissed at every thought, action and perceived mistake you’ve ever made. Self-love? Pfft – fuck that, I deserve every shitty thing coming my way.

Girl – or guy, I know how you feel. You’re so tired with staying up ’till 4am battling your own thoughts and feelings – not to mention everyone else’s. Le sigh.

The simplest way to get the hell out of your own head – is to step outside. I have social anxiety, so every time I have to go somewhere and be around people – I’m ready to take on the situation like a first person shooter game. Probably, not the best approach, huh?

Yet, taking ONE SMALL ACTION – helps me battle with the taunting voices in my traitorous brain – because I just accomplished something – so, FUCK YOU.

Breathing fresh air and feeling the sun on my face – helps me remember that I am a part of a huge, gigantic world.

This is where you can switch it up, sprinkle a little ritual in – and make this bad boy – yours!

I love going to these fields close to where I live, as there’s never anybody there – where I blast my playlist live and dance like I’m Beyoncé and J-LO combined – I am obviously the second coming or is that the third?

Write a short story or affirmation, draw the beauty you see around you or just run until you feel pure abandon – and let your mind go blank.

 2.   You’re lying to yourself and – loving it – or is that code for hating it?

I understand the impulse, the urge, the pressing oh so sexy – oh so close need to tell yourself what you need to hear. It’s delicious.

The problem with that is that with everything going on in our heads and our hearts – we often have no clue what we need because we just want this feeling, this numbness to stop, please. 

So we sugar coat what we say, making those sweet nothings sweet and cloying with sugary morsels of BULL.

I hate being honest with myself. THERE I SAID IT. It makes me feel angry, useless, worthless and 67 million other emotions that I can’t name right now – because, time people. 

I love it –

when I get to tell myself all those go-to fallback platitudes that make me think my life is a whirlwind romance with me, myself and I – and anyone who can’t handle that, is just jealous and obviously can’t handle the awesome I’m bringing.

So, I construct my perfect little fake life where everything fits like the best things do – and nothing is ever out-of-place or painful, flawed, real. I live there for a little while, before I realise that this LIE is so well constructed – well done me – that I can’t tell where real and fake meet anymore.

The only life I’m living is the one in my mind – and that is biggest fucking disservice to myself – same goes for you!

3.  YOU’RE NOT ACKNOWLEDGING HOW FUCKING HARD YOU’RE TRYING.

You’re beating yourself up – you missed work because you were terrified you were going CRASH & BURN – in spectacular fashion and now you’re a failure & a fluke.

You missed you weekly ritual with your best friends – you’ve actually missed a few – because you just can’t compete with how BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND PERFECT they are.

You started your passion project – you bought the supplies – set them and started. Then you got stuck & frustrated. If this is what you’re DESTINED for, if this is your purpose in life – then why the fuck is it so hard?

Have you even thought about –

that moment this week where you were kind to a stranger. Not because you needed anything or because you needed to prove anything but because you are a KIND, GENEROUS, BADASS.

Or –

That moment when you could have stayed in bed all day with the blinds closed – knowing you’d find warmth in the darkness – but instead you got up. Even if it was just to read, or make a cup of tea or sit in your backyard staring at the sun.

Celebrate the small things, the things you choose not to notice – don’t want to notice. They slowly – but surely – make the bigger things seem a lot bloody smaller.

4.  COMPARE, COMPARE, COMPARE. 

It’s natural – but also a fucking bitch – a dirty, raunchy gaping eyesore on the fire that your life could be.

Look at her – her hair is perfect, flowing and EVERYTHING I WANT AND NEED. That’s got to be a $500 dollar blowout – so she’s gorgeous and has more money than me.

I’ll never be as good, virtuous or as confident in myself to earn $500 and then spend it on my HAIR. Why, me?

I’VE DONE THIS.

I DO THIS.

Constantly, but this is one habit that I am trying to kick. In the end, the only person you’re hurting is you – you might be right – her hair might be beautiful, flowing and gorgeous but that does NOT detract from you. Your hair might be edgy, wild and provocative.

There doesn’t have to be a negative to someone else’s positive. That is always the hardest thing for me to remember, especially when I’m feeling lonely, isolated and misunderstood. Take your time – figure out why you feel this way – and then FIND OUT HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL.

That’s what matters most because you are the glitter, the sparkle and the awesome in your life. Do you want to feel joy, appreciation, recognition? Try plotting out on paper how you want to feel – then write 3 small things that will help you reach them. It doesn’t have to be anything death-defying but it can feel that way sometimes. ( Who am I kidding, all the damn time.)

Your life is not and never will be a mirror of someone else’s. You were not put here to be the back burner to someone else’s greatness.

5.  YOU HATE YOUR JOB – YOU’D RATHER CLAW YOUR EYES OUT FOR THIRTY DOLLARS ON THE STRIP – THAN GO BACK.

You work at Starbucks, (great benefits but it doesn’t set your loins on fire like reading that one erotic story when you were fifteen), or you work as a receptionist at some nondescript company in a nondescript building living a nondescript life. (See, where I’m going with this, folks?)

You don’t love it – but it pays the bills.

Ahhhh, isn’t the siren song of the weary? HELL YES.

You know deep in your marrow that your meant to be a designer, developer, (insert profession here). You crave and lust after this dream for years – drooling over your idols Instagram page of that shot on the mountain in Argentina. You know the one.

Or you want to build your own company, your own products. You’re an innovator – at you decadent finest when tinkering, making and tweaking. YOU JUST LOVE THAT NEW PRODUCT BY XY COMPANY THAT IS GOING TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE INDUSTRY.

Or – you could be like me. You have one or two central passions but find yourself moved by so many different things – you don’t know which way is up, where you left that caramel macchiato (because we all need caffeine, DAMMIT) or if it’s 2015 or 2002.

Stop, please. Take a breathe. Now, take a deeper one.

You won’t find your passion, purpose or life’s dream waiting for you in the depths of somebody else’s. You know this, but their Instagram is just addictive.

When I decided that I wanted to take my blog more seriously and turn it into a website – I was fucking terrified. I still am. I struggle everyday to work out tech issues that I don’t understand – so the people in those “help” forums may as well be talking to me in mandarin slang in a southern American accent, dude.

I wrote a post anyway.

  • Even though I feared being mocked.
  • Even though I feared it wasn’t good enough.
  • Even though I feared any change in my life at all.

It’s not easy or perfect – I have to fight to hold myself accountable everyday – and it’s not the act that gets easier. It is my will to not let this be another failure, disappointment or false promise that I’ve made to myself.

Loving yourself – means holding yourself accountable – with respect and grace. 

I only have to love me – and sometimes I don’t want to or just can’t –  the difference is, now I go do something to prove all those little voices in my head wrong. Something small.

Like getting out of bed. 

What are you struggling with right now? 

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