Every year, as a new year is upon us promising hope, change, brilliance, happiness and success, we get a mass of resolutions of what we want to change and of who we want to become. We become so lost in the new year buzz and the next day hangover that we forget about all the promises we made to ourselves. Like get rid of that over-protective and controlling boyfriend, or to quit smoking or maybe taking the plunge and making that big career change.
As i sit here, thinking about what resolutions i’m going to make, if any i think of whether i am even ready to follow through. I wonder if they’ll be forgotten by new years morning and if i will feel as resolute yet just as empty as i did last year. Goals and aspirations make me feel hollow. I don’t know about all of you out there but thinking about everything that could be better only makes what is worse more clear and painful. Some would say that makes me unwilling to do anything about the things I’m scared of or hate in my life but that is no the case.
Change makes me feel nauseous. It makes my palms sweat and gives me a headache. Thinking about everything thats wrong and what little is right. Maybe i am a little bit of a coward, to afraid to be free or crazy or dedicated or extremely wild in my youth.
But I’m just getting started. I’m contemplating change in my life….
…Without rules, regulations or barriers
and maybe next year ill be exactly who i’m meant to be