I don’t think that you can handle this, never what you had in mind, its not what you need.
If i could be you again, even for a day i’d get out. I wonder if life could have been more of a bitch to you if you left. ‘Cause i damn sure know that it was a hell of a bitch to you because you stayed. Now four years later, and it hasn’t gotten any better for you. Im sorry to say. Although as your my thirteen year old self, your lucky that you died when you did and that you got to fly off to some etherial spiritual place. Or at least that’s how i envision it to be.
When i was thirteen, i would have conversations with myself. wishing that the world, was this beautiful forgiving place which in turn had a place for me.
Unfortunately, we all grow up. well most of us anyway and we realise thats not the case. We get older, and wonder how we got where we are. Whether were 60 or 22, it doesn’t matter. As no matter what our circumstances were, we all have at least one thing that we wish with all our being, that it would just be but what if we get that and thats all that we wanted? Where do we go from there? Or what if the one and only thing that we wanted to happen with all of ourselves, never happens. Where do we go from there?
Even the broken are spoon fed this trash about a world, where if you work hard enough and have an ounce of integrity then you could do and be whatever it is that you wish. In very standard terms its this idea of ‘manifest destiny’ but most recognise the idea as the ‘American Dream.’ Me, myself and I at thirteen knew that the world wasn’t all rainbows and marshmallows, smiles and happiness.
”become another tragedy of society, ill never fall in line, become a victim of conformity”
What would you tell your 13 year old self; if you could? I’d say:
Be crazy, and blame it on youth if asked.
Don’t listen to anyone, these are times when you can be completely and utterly stubborn, you’ll learn from it and you’ll learn who’s advice to take.
Stop dying your damn hair, it might just fall out.
Families aren’t perfect, and even though yours is sincerely fucked up, look after yourself, learn about yourself and best of all don’t change due to peer pressure.
Not everyone you meet is as upfront as you. It’s just a fact of life, that some people would rather vent about people in the dark than the light.
Also don’t ever sing a song into a hairbrush microphone. You’ll regret it.
Create as much havoc as possible, you’ll never be able to be as careless in your life
I’ll reminisce about you, my dear old friend, my dear old me.