‘the end of innocence’

There’s a point after childhood, perhaps in early youth or early adulthood, that we lose our innocence. Most people believe that we lose our innocence when they find out santa doesn’t exist, or it comes at a more devestating time when they lose someone, or maybe its just when they feel that sense of freedom that only children have slowly slip away. I find it quite sad that we associate our innocence with fictional stories such as santa, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny, or when we see innocence when we find out that our fiance hasn’t lost her virginity yet. What makes these things innocent? Why do we associate innocence with things that are considered so pure or things that are non existent. I don’t understand the feeling of innocence. I don’t think that I have ever felt it. Maybe I’m just not that pure, not innocent enough. It could be due to environment, or personal circumstances, but what happens when you are that kid, with no innocence, or feels that they have no innocence. What is left for us? What do we have to hold on to. What can we grab hold onto when we have nothing left, no sense of fear, lonliness, guilt, anger. I don’t understand how we lost something we could never understand, and even perhaps might have never felt. Why is there this strong tug screaming at me to go down this road. This dusty, grim road to find something I’m not sure was ever there. Its like a labarynth, you don’t know that its there, but you want to find it. What if we can’t? What if we don’t want to?

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