OBLITERATION.

Loss. This is something that I can relate to on so many levels. Grief. This is also something I can relate to. Sadness. I think this is something we can all relate to. A week or so ago, I lost someone close to my heart. My grandmother. I haven’t really been able to talk about it as my mother and sisters have gone back to africa, and I’m left here alone. I don’t think that I am dealing with it very well. Going from heated anger, to tears of exhaustion. I’ve gone through a spectrum of emotions this week. What has stuck with me, is all the times that I was worried about her. Her wellbeing, her lifestyle and her work and how I knew that everything wasn’t okay, but was firmly told to mind my own buisness. This is bothering me. To the depths of my soul, along with the normal emotions that come along with grief, there is this overwhelming sense of guilt. I haven’t talked about it, I can’t and won’t. I refuse to be a burden to anyone or anything except my blog. The truth is that we all turn a blind eye on occasion or often when we know someone is hurting, but we never think about what would happen if that person was us. We also refuse to think about what happens when they’re gone and we could have done so much more. I’m stuck at a crossroads, staring at a dark insginia on a dark willow tree, there is no light and no hope, and no turning back. For what’s gone is gone, and will forever and always be gone.

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8 thoughts on “OBLITERATION.

  1. Thank you. Those words mean alot. My mum went back to africa to bury her mother, and shes all i have and our relationship isnt exactly normal. sometimes you have to take one for the team. πŸ™‚

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  2. I’m really sorry for your loss. November 18 marked the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing. I don’t think the grief ever really goes away—you just process it differently as time goes by, I imagine. And I have found it really does help to write about it. You never know when you will connect to someone who either knows exactly what you’re going through or can say just the right thing to help you through the grief, even if only temporarily so. I delivered a eulogy at my mother’s service, which was very difficult, but I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. I posted it here:

    http://cindydyer.wordpress.com/2010/12/02/requiem-for-my-mother/

    And to honor her memory at the one-year anniversary, I wrote this:

    https://cindydyer.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/missing-mom/

    I wish you comfort during this time of loss.

    Cindy

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  3. It’s coming up on four years since I was widowed. My husband died in bed beside me two days after Valentine’s Day. We were high school sweethearts, married 24 years. I am now in a Memoir Writing class and finally getting face to face with some of my emotions. Death is a peculiar friend at the dinner table, but well worth some serious conversations. Keep delving into the discussions inside your head and share a few. It’s a rich part of life, really. It connects us with everyone on the planet. Thanks for subscribing to my blog. Hopefully, you’ll find something that may be a balm to your soul someday. Meanwhile, *hugs* for your hurt. Family strikes a deep chord. Play it tenderly.

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    1. Im so sorry for your loss, that is something i haven’t experienced. My condolences, I don’t how we can live like this. My flaw has always been with moving on. It sounds like the memoir class is as therapeutic for you as blogging is for me. A peculiar friend and enemy. I will definitely keep delving into my mind about death and everything that comes with it, and post some more. it really helps. Your welcome, your blog is so great. Im hoping that my soul can at least be eased someday, i hope for the same things for you. A very deep and dark chord. Thank you for your kind words.

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  4. Wow this struck a chord (and that’s always good for a piece of writing isn’t it?). Just been through similar, and we all have our own ways of coming to terms with things (I should know, I’ve had more than my fair share to deal with recently (but hey, my weapon of choice is comedy hehehe). I chose to give a eulogy for both my grandmother (last year), and my grandfather (last week), I found getting everyone in the church to laugh and remember good memories helped me immensely – but as I said, comedy is my weapon of choice, I hope you find the thing that works for you. Sorry for your loss.

    NB – Thanks for the visit and recent “like” – always nice to know people are reading our random musings πŸ™‚

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    1. Yes, its a great part of writing. Im sorry for your loss. I don’t think my ways with dealing with death and such are very normal, except for writing about it. That is a very good weapon of choice, i hope someday that i am able to at least laugh again. Thank you so much for your kind words. Your very welcome, Im loving your blog! πŸ™‚

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